Hmmm….

Interesting. The other day I decided to take a nice, warm, magnesium salts bath to help me feel better. I wanted to read. I have various e-books on my phone I’m in the middle of but decided, no, I don’t want to drop my phone in the bath. I’d rather accidentally drop a $15 or $30 paperback than a phone that would cost hundreds to replace. Especially now.

“So what physical book do I have that I could read?”

Scanning my shelves, scanning, scanning….

“A ha! Here’s one I’ve been meaning to read and I’m in the mood for it.”

(It also felt like I was getting a little nudge, “You should read that one!”)

It is The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk, MD. It’s become a standard in the mental health field because he is so highly regarded in dealing with trauma.

So I settle down for a nice, relaxing, educational read, and in five pages I realize I need to read this for me. And I need to work on my own traumas. Cancer itself, and the treatment thereof, is traumatic. And there’s other stuff in my history, too. Much of what I’ve been talking about in the last few days are really symptoms of trauma. So much of mental un-wellness is. That’s why Dr. van der Kolk is so well regarded. The feeling of being disconnected, or purposeless is often seen in people who’ve been traumatized. They can’t access it; neurologically, the brain can’t do it.

So I’ve just started down this path with a person or two I know who may be able to help me.

And as I work through things, depending on what it is, and whether it involves others, I may let you in on some of it. Or I might not. Or maybe later. Confidentiality is, of course, a thing in mental health for a reason. Of course you might find it interesting that I’d hold back now, when I’ve been perfectly willing to tell you everything about everything for the last two years, including all about poop! But there it is. Some things are more sacred than others.