One year anniversaries

Cancer

So today’s the day. March 15. One year ago today I got the official diagnosis from the first gynecological oncologist of ovarian cancer stage 3C.

A week ago I was all preparing to be highly triumphant and ecstatic about how well I’m doing. But alas, this last week has plummeted me into a state of confusion and fear. Hard staying C-ful.

I’ve got another round of vague abdominal discomfort that doesn’t seem to fit nicely into any one diagnosis. My cancer tumor marker, the CA-125, was very solidly in the normal, non-elevated range at 8.9 as of three days ago. I visited the regular doc yesterday to have some additional tests done to see if I have some infection or something. I should know by Saturday.

My regular follow up appointment on Wednesday with Dr. Guntupalli was called off due to the bomb cyclone blizzard. We drove 30 minutes into it before getting the call and turning back home. What an experience! White out blizzard conditions. I felt so concerned for all the new calves out in that. Even our new home air quality tester machine caught the very low barometric pressure of that event. We ended up not having any major problems due to it. Power stayed on. Truck stayed on the road. Not a lot of snow piled up. Many people had it much worse. Still, that may be a once in a lifetime experience, or it might be something that becomes more common due to global climate change.

Luckily, my appointment has been rescheduled for next Thursday, so between test results coming back Saturday, and that appointment then, I should know more.

Maybe I’m having a bladder infection, or vaginitis, or a reaction to a new probiotic, or interstitial cystitis due to having had too much coffee lately. I don’t know. In any case, it’s very uncomfortable, and I want to feel better. I’m feeling worried that it is a recurrence. I’m sure I and we have a certain amount of PTSD from the whole experience of diagnosis and treatments.

But there’s that CA-125 number being all normal, and after talking with one of the oncology nurses she says it is a pretty sensitive marker, so would pick up on things quickly if anything were happening. So that’s a relief in some ways.

But man, nothing like being faced with a possible recurrence to mess up my state of mind. So in IFS language, I have parts up. Scared parts, mad parts, confused parts, parts that are trying to figure it out, parts that are discouraged, parts that are disappointed, parts that are tired of not being “normal,” whatever that is. And in IFS language the point is to hear them out while asking them to give me some space. I have a little bit of work to do with that.

Meanwhile I’m taking D-Mannose for both/either urinary tract infection or interstitial cystitis, along with acetaminophen. And I’ll know more tomorrow. More finger crossing….

Engagement

However, and on a much happier note, today is also the one year anniversary of being engaged with Grant. He suggested it as we were reeling from the first-opinion diagnosis, but had been thinking and planning for it anyway.

He has already proven himself to be my rock-solid and loving partner in this last year, so now it is time to begin planning our public commitment ceremony. I’m thinking maybe in September, after presumably a year of NED, if in fact I can still claim that.

This year has certainly brought us closer together, working hard as a team. And we’ll continue working it, no matter what.

Much love, my dear Grant. ❤️ Thank you for your steadfastness, your advocacy, your support in myriad ways. Beyond grateful. Looking forward to doing more life with you.