Ugh

Hello all. Today has been harder in some ways because the level of discomfort has increased. When I thought the cyst was 6 cm, that was one thing, but now that I’m told it’s 25 cm, my brain has decided that must hurt worse. I know that’s a thing, brains can feel what they believe. And here is a good example.

In any case, Grant and I interacted with the lead doctor at my primary care physician’s office. Her name is Dr. Jackie Fields. She is impressive in her knowledge base around integrative medicine so we are happy to be in her hands as well as in the hands of the new second opinion gyn onc doctor, Dr. Guntupalli.

Dr. Fields is worried that the cyst might be the body’s reaction to a more malignant pathology which it is attempting to contain. She also stated, much as others have stated, we do not know anything until the mass is removed and biopsied. Any speculation at this point is premature.

However that bit of realism did cause my optimism to take a small hit, for today.

I am also receiving Jin Shin sessions from family friend and former oncology nurse Denise Proulx, as well as, near as I understand it, some sort of biofeedback electrical sensing homeopathy from her husband Bob.

I am definitely on board for additional healers beyond solely what Western medicine offers.

In any case, it is becoming clear that part of my path through all of this is re-connecting to my creativity which is sorely neglected, even abandoned, at this point. Lissa Rankin, Christiane Northrup, Denise Proulx, and others, including my deepest soul self, advocate that I need to include this aspect in my life. Ovaries symbolize that. Ovaries do creativity. I have not been doing any creativity for a good long while.

So to that end, I’ve just gone to Jerry’s Artarama, and picked up acrylic gel medium and a few canvas boards on which to throw some paint. I’m not promising you or myself anything grand, but just the opportunity to play. My little inner artist child is excited about this.

Lastly, kudos to my beloved Grant ❤️, who continues to be strong while also admitting to his own troubles dealing with all of this. If you know Grant, please offer him a little extra support while he is supporting me. I know caregivers need respite once in a while, so if you feel like taking him out for a respite beer that would probably be good.